Absolute Tea

Saturday, April 8

Your Weekend Poem

I think I have a poem that actually fits the theme of the week for once. I wrote it a long time ago and I recently revised it to an acceptable reading level. I've kept the original rhyme pattern; however, I forgot what I originally wrote it about so it's kind of wierd reading it myself, but maybe you can figure it out.

Another Attempt

Distance approaching is hard to hear
Waves of noise have been cut
Too many fell down in front
Amplitude shaped forms a tear

Unmistakable to anyone but us
What you've done to my heart
Can you hear my heart
At negative degree Celsius

I’m tired of trying this path
Someone give me something to do
I need importance to finish what’s due
Purpose and usefulness, as found in math

4 comment(s):

I think your poem is about someone whom you were being distanced from, a break-up perhaps? "Waves of noise have been cut" relates to maybe the conversations you shared with this person are gone. The situation didn't really matter to anyone else, but you. You needed purpose to move on, to do something meaningful. The only sentence I think is strange is "Amplitude shaped forms a tear". You need to ask yourself what this amplitude is, and what exactly does it shape. The amplitude of your feelings shaped together forms a tear? That would make much more sense, because the word shaped makes the reader want to hear what is shaped. So I would recommend placing the word-together between shaped and forms, with a comma after together of course. But that's just how I feel.

Basically, to sum it up in my opinion-the meaning;
Line 1: growing apart from someone important
Line 2: conversations with this person seem to be increasingly limited (waves of noise-talking, words)
Line 3: too many of your words or conversations failed, because they resulted in arguments?
line 4: awkward see above.
line 5: this is a big deal, but to everyone else it's not.
line 6 & 7 & 8: this person has hurt you emotionally, and you want them to know that. Negative degree Celsius means that your heart is cold and bitter from the previous events relating to this person.
line 9: your tired of walking along the path that leads to this type of result-heart break, sadness or regretful attitudes towards the people you get close to?
line 10 & 11 & 12: you need something productive to do, to move on, some significance in your life that will allow you live the rest of your life happily (what's due = your life). The as found in math is pretty much a metaphor not directly relating to the situation at hand.

so really, I'm guessing, just guessing, that you have made yet another attempt at love and failed. You wrote about it in this poem, because it was hard to tell the person you had a relationship how you really felt. After all, writing poetry is much easier than speaking your heart out to a human being. I could be completely wrong, but that is how I felt when I read your poem.

I like the poem though, especially the use of words like "waves of noise", and how the distance between you is hard to hear, because you don't want to hear that it's really happening.
Anyways, I'm just a junior at Stillwater High School and I was looking into Bemidji College as a potential place I'd like to attend someday and I found your blog and decided to respond since you sounded like you couldn't figure it out all the way? Was I close? I just made my own blog in order to post to yours, so let me know if I was close. I could be completely wrong...

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:00 PM CST  

Wow, impressive analysis. You definitely show a talent in the use of language and interpretation. I'm glad you liked my poem, as well as stunned, shocked, and a bit flattered (with a slight embarrassment) at your response.

From those few paragraphs I can already tell you would do well as an English major.

As for what my poem is about... it still is a bit fuzzy, but yes, it is about a girl. I wrote this when I was 18 or 19 years old and I was frusterated by the nonlogical ways of women. So I played with that notion using logical things in a nonlogical structure within the poem.

When I used the word amplitude I was playing on the previous line "waves of noise," as amplitude is a measurement of sound waves like sine and cosine. It also has other meanings, as in electricity and to describe a magnitude. So only a crazy scientific mind like mine would probably make that connection to the shape of a tear.

But you could be right. It might not fit there. I was getting wild and having a little fun with words and meaning.

Thank you for taking the time to comment on my weblog. It's sad I have to write this on my own blog but I didn't see your email listed. Probably wise considering the spam you'd get.

Anyways, thanks.

By Blogger Michael, at 2:13 AM CST  

Michael how is someone supposed to contact you, you don't post any contact information, nor do most blogs and it's very frustrating! LOL

Anyway can you please email me info@teaadvisor.com

I'd like to do a link exchange and I run www.TeaAdvisor.com

By Blogger NisplayDame, at 9:31 PM CDT  

Michael - I searched everywhere and cannot find your email address, so this is how I'm attempting to contact you.

I'd like to do a link exchange with your blog and my new tea site, www.TeaAdvisor.com

Email me info@teaadvisor.com

By Blogger NisplayDame, at 9:32 PM CDT  

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